nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
