What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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