Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
