in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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