We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
