Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
