FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
