Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
