I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
