Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
