yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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