What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
