Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
