Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
