Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
