he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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