my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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