can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
