He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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