turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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