hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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