my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
