Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
