You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you win again, gameday.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
