mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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