I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
