We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
