What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize