I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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