Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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