You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
