were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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