I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
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