i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
