Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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