so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
