After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
