mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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