let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
