you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
