do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
