All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
