I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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