I wanna bring you to show and tell
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
