Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
