Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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