careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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