Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
