It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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