$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
This is classic penis vs brain.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
