come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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