I want to have your abortion
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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