I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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