Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
