I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
