I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So squirting runs in the family.
What a dumb baby whore.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
