peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
