the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
