so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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