theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We were destined to go to rehab together
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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