His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
