Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
