pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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