sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We got so high we made milksteak
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
